TITI: Memories Surround Us

When the Doctor informed us of Maureen's demise, I heard Funmi's ricocheting scream. I saw Maureen's mum trembling from the neck downwards. I noticed that Temmy had a harrassed look on her face. I felt tears sliding down my face but somehow, I did not make a sound. In my shocked state, I walked away from the waiting room clutching my phone.

Everything was surreal and in slow motion yet I continued to walk until I reached the end of the long corridor that led to the stairway exit then I impulsively dialled the one person I knew could help my world stop spinning: Dayo. Thank God he answered at the very first ring.

"Hey girl," he said in a whisper. "I read your texts about Maureen. How is she doing?"

"She's gone," I replied choking on the words.

"No!" Dayo exclaimed. "I am coming to you," he said and hung up.

I couldn't decide whether I should go back into the waiting room and stay there with my friends or if I should just wait for Dayo here. He always took the stairs everywhere and it would be easy to sneak away with him and avoid riling my friends especially Lola, who would definitely have something to say.

One of the nurses made the decision for me with the words "Your friends are asking after you Ms". I nodded in acknowledgment and walked back to the room. Apparently we had been asked if we wanted to go in and say goodbye to Maureen. I did not want to. I had always preferred to remember a loved one as I knew them and not in their lifeless state but then Funmi clung to my arm and Temmy wedged herself against my other side and before I knew it we were by Maureen's bedside.

The silence in the room reminded me of what we would say as children when there was an unexpected hush in a room. That an angel of God had just passed. I swear I felt the presence of something supernatural. An angel may well have been there.

That moment passed and tears flowed again. Funmi sat on the bed and hugged Maureen's legs. Temmy stroked her hair. Maureen's mother continued to tremble and pray while her husband held her. Lola hovered near them as if waiting for them to faint. I stayed dry eyed and made my exit when the nurse came to inform us that we needed to leave.

My legs felt like jelly as I walked to the stairway again. I had barely got there when I began to have difficultly breathing. I held on to the rail hoping to steady myself. When it seemed like my best option was to fall, I let go of the rail and fell into someone's arms.

"Oh my God! Titi!" Dayo's voice exclaimed.

My dry-eyed situation changed just by hearing his voice and I wept without console. Dayo held me in his arms on the top of the hospital staircase until I quietened. Without a word, he took my hand in his and walked me down to the parking lot. We got into his car and drove in silence to the Mariott Hotel.

Dayo saw my confused look. I had thought he would take me to my place.

"I am staying at the hotel for a while," he explained. "That's why I was able to get to the hospital so quickly. Besides I don't think you should be alone tonight. I can pick up anything you want from your place later," he ended.

My relief and joy must have shown on my face because Dayo smiled and said "I'm the man" giving himself thumbs up. Under normal circumstances, I would have said something or given him a lazy punch but I didn't.

Still without speaking a word, I got into the elevator and together we went to his room. There I spoke for the first time.

"Did I ever tell you how I met Maureen?" I asked. Dayo shook his head in answer.

It was my first year at the University. We had to queue up to get registered. I must have been the 10th person on the line. It took at least 20 minutes to attend to one person and when it was almost my turn, the University staff said we had to go to another building and form another queue. On the new queue, I was at the back and this young lady who was the second in line walked to the back and asked me to take her spot. I could not believe it and I asked her why. She said she had seen me on the first queue. We hit it off immediately. It was the beginning of a wonderful friendship.

Thinking about that first day we met brought tears to my eyes again. How could Maureen be gone? Dayo saw me welling up and hugged me. He stroked my hair. One thing led to the other and soon we were kissing. It wasn't the first time we had kissed but this one was different. I kissed him with reckless abandon. As if somehow, the more passionately we kissed, the more I was reminded that I was alive. I was ready to let the kiss lead anywhere but he pulled away.

"Why Dayo?" I asked dreamingly.

"Babe, I don't want it to be this way," he answered and walked away from me to the bathroom. I don't know how long it took him to come back or when he went to my place because I slept off and did not wake up until the next morning.

Those first moments when one wakes up are a treasure. That morning, for me, I welcomed the blissful state of not knowing quite where I was or what I was doing there. I felt rested. The world was a beautiful place until I caught sight of my purple overnight bag that Dayo must have gotten from my place the previous night and it hit me afresh. Maureen was dead! Purple was her favourite colour.

I cried into the sheets until my head ached. I wondered where Dayo had gone. The only signs that I hadn't slept alone on the Queen sized bed were his body imprint on the ruffled sheets. I managed to get myself out of the bed and found my handbag. I checked to see if I had any paracetamol. I remembered that I had not spoken to the girls so I picked up my phone. There were 15 missed calls. I took 3 paracetamol tablets and swallowed it. Even that reminded me of Maureen who would always say I was over-dosing and question my ability to swallow pills with no liquid. I swiped my eyes with the back of my hands and went into the bathroom.

When I got out, Dayo was entering the room with our breakfast in his hand.

"Since when did you become room service?" I teased.

"Since you've needed me to be," he answered with a small smile.

"I can't eat anything though. I am not hungry," I said gently.

"I'll feed you if I have to Titi. Just know that you are not leaving this hotel room on an empty stomach."

It felt nice to be with someone who cared about me. Still, I really did not have an appetite. In the end, I ate a bite or two just to get Dayo off my back and then I called Temmy.

"Hi Titi, I was just about to call you," Temmy said as soon as she picked up the phone.

"Okay. How are you?" I replied.

"Not good but we have to be strong for Maureen's parents. In fact, Lola suggested that we all go to her place tomorrow evening so that we can plan her going home service and pack up some of her stuff. You know that will be too difficult for her family," Temmy informed.

"That's a good idea. I'll be there. In fact, I am just about to call my work and ask for a few days off on compassionate leave. I don't feel well at all but I will be there tomorrow with you girls."

"Good, good." Temmy answered. "Don't forget to call the others, okay? No one knew where you disappeared to yesterday sef."

"Oh! I just needed to get out of there. Let's talk later, dear," I said and hung up before she could probe further. I wasn't ready to discuss where and who I was with. Not that Temmy would judge me what with the conversation we had the other day about Tade.

"So, do you want me to take the day off too? Or work from here?" Dayo asked just as his phone rang.

I shook my head and glanced at his phone. I intuitively knew it was his wife. I arched an eyebrow. "Are you not going to answer that?" I asked, wondering if my day was about to become more difficult.

He glared at me. "Nope," he said. My intuition was obviously right, it was wifey.

Irritated, I asked "Why not? You know she'll just keep calling." I snapped.

Dayo's face softened. He reached forward and covered my hand with one of his hands and he picked up his phone with the other.

"Which is why I am going to do this." He switched off his phone.

Somehow I felt better but teary at the same time.

"Sorry," I sighed.

"It's fine," he said and rubbed my arm.

"So, am I staying with you or what?" he asked me.

"No. Go to work and do whatever else you want to do," I answered still a bit unsettled from his wife's intrusion into our space.

"Come on, Titi. I know there's a lot going through your mind," he said.

"That's exactly why I need some time alone," I said calmly. Being cooped up in the hotel room with Dayo all day wasn't at all how I wanted to spend my day. I just wanted him to get on with it and let me be.

I waited until he left before I called the office and requested for compassionate leave. Then I began to write. At first, all I had on the tear blotched paper were multiple definitions of anger. Then I found my muse and wrote what I believe would make a good tribute to Maureen. I could hardly wait to show it to the ladies.

The rest of the day trickled by. Everything reminded me of Maureen. I thought I heard her voice when the lady from guest services came to clean the room. Imagine, she chose to hum one of Maureen's favourite songs, I hope you dance, as she cleaned! I could not take it so I decided to take a walk.

The walk was torture. I kept catching a whiff of Maureen's favourite perfume, Addict, every few blocks even though there were no perfume shops anywhere. On two separate occasions, I thought I saw her from a distance and I ran towards the people I thought was her. Both times, of course I was wrong.

One of the ladies I ran towards had on a plum scarf that was just like the one I gave Maureen at Christmas and the other had a lavendar coat which was SO Maureen. Not sure if I was becoming unhinged, I returned to the hotel only to stand at the lobby twirling the heather plant. I finally forced my feet to take me back to the room and cried myself to sleep.

When I woke up, it was night time and Dayo was sitting on the bed staring at me.

"What time is it?" I asked.

"Shhhhh," he said, and placed a kiss on my lips.

I held him close for a moment and then asked him the time again.

"Eleven pm," he informed me. "I brought dinner and yes I spent the last three hours watching you sleep," he finished with a smile.

"God, I love you." I said not sure how he would respond. At first he didn't. He just shut his eyes.

Then he went to get the take-out and said "I love you more than my growling stomach's need for this chicken and brocolli meal." I giggled and he smiled. We sat up and ate our food. I noticed he had bought it from Xan Xan, my favourite place. Chicken and Brocolli was all I ever ordered from there.

After our meal, I listened to the kind of day he had and told him about my wacky moments. He reassured me that it was all part of grieving and I wasn't in fact losing it. We talked and talked and then still in his arms, we slept until 10am the next morning.

"Hey," I said when I woke up and grazed his eyebrow with my forefinger.

"Hey back," he mumbled.

"No room service today?" I questioned jokingly.

He yawned. "Nope."

"I see. Someone's forgetting that he's still needed, uhm," I said while tickling him.

"No one is forgetting anything you!" he said, in a peal of laughter.

This was what I could not explain to Lola and the girls. The shared laughter and ease we had with each other. The unabashed way we both revealed our quirkyness. The comfortable confidence that we each were on the top of the other's priority list.

"Oh, why are you married again?" I said, without thinking.

"Titi!" he warned. I sighed and moved away from him now upset.

The rest of the morning was ruined. We hardly spoke. I wanted to apologise so many times for bringing up his unavailability but I was too pained to do that. Grief or not, it was nice to wake up in Dayo's arms and the green eyed monster would not let go of me.

I was glad when Temmy called and asked me to come to her place so we could go to Maureen's place together. I asked Dayo to drop me a block away and I bade him bye without a second glance or a kiss.

When Temmy opened the door of her apartment, she looked a mess. Her eyes were puffy and red and her face was tear stained. We hugged and cried for a few minutes and then I set to work. I opened my Clinique bag, washed my face with the facial wash and applied the all about eyes cream. I passed it to Temmy and then we applied some make up and set out for Maureen's place.

We let ourselves in at Maureen's and carefully hid her keys under the flower pot by the entrance so that the others could let themselves in too. It was just like waiting for Maureen to get back from work. Everything was as it used to be. The other's soon arrived and we decided to plan what we would do at her funeral which was to hold in a week. Funmi brought out a note book and began to take notes.

I offered to write a poem and shared the tribute I had written with everyone. We cried then we huddled together and looked through her picture album. That was when Lola decided she would produce a slideshow for the funeral.

Funmi said she would be helping Maureen’s mum to set up a charity foundation in her name. This excited Temmy, who immediately said she would put together an outfit for Maureen and have a benefit fashion show.

We discussed music at the funeral and Dolapo offered to sing. I chipped in that we had to play "With hope" from Steven Curtis Chapman's speechless album at the funeral. The girls had never heard it so I went to Maureen's CD rack to find it. She was such a fan of Chapman, it made sense that she would have it.

I knocked over some books by accident as I was trying to reach out for some more CDs. Funmi came to help me pick them up and she found Maureen’s diary amongst them. To our surprise, Dolapo requested to keep the diary and we gave it to her.

I finally found the CD just as Lola opened a large drawer below the book case and found Maureen’s portfolio and drawings. We decided we had to publish them as a memorial to her and I slotted in the CD.

The very first line of the song 'This is not at all, how we thought it was supposed to be. We had so many plans for you, we had so many dreams...' made us crumble and we began to weep again surrounded by memories of our cherished friend.

(c) Ayodele Alofe


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