DAYO - There She Goes And Springs One On You

I was in the bathroom when the door creaked and slid open. Ok, I don’t know what I was doing in there. It was my subconscious taking over, playing back at the tactics I used as a kid. The little kid that avoided getting caned when he wet the bed or shot a pretty hole into his dad’s windscreen despite being warned a million times to quit fooling around with the catapult. But hiding has never stopped the strokes from meeting with my buttocks. Being older, they wouldn’t be physical of course. Thank God at least now there were no pretty holes or puddle in the middle of the mattress to give evidence of my naughtiness. Still, when I heard the click of Folake’s stilettos against the marble flooring, I absentmindedly glanced at the mirror to assure myself that it wouldn’t be my face giving myself away.

“Baby! I’m home! Where are you?” Folake called from the living room in a singsong.

She sure sounded happy. Good, I sighed with relief. Good start. It must be that Titi was parked out of the way, as nothing misses the attention of my Folake. And the questioning stares that follow, you don’t want to have them directed on you. Especially when you haven’t had enough time to polish off your defences. Some people are great instinctive liars. Right now, what wouldn’t I give to be one of them.

“Dayo? Are you hiding from me, baby?” she drawled, her merriness not dwindled. I was really in luck today. Thank you God!

“I’m in here, love.’ I called out to her, making a mad dash for the bed. There wasn’t time to pretend I’d been watching the TV, and I wouldn’t pull off trying the angle of napping either, so I jumped right out of it. Better to meet her in the sitting room then. I grabbed the nearest magazine – praying it was Men’s Health and not Folake’s Cosmo – and turned the door handle.

“There you are!” She stood outside, supposedly in the next second she’d have been the one holding the door handle and not I. And whatever it was that had got her so high wasn’t letting up. Apparently, looking for me had added to the thrill, because her eyes danced with glee, her mouth stretched to its limit as she smiled. Regardless of the fact that her hands were full of groceries, she hugged me.

For once, I didn’t mind having cold turkey pressed to my back. If not for it and other hosts of distractions, Folake wouldn’t have fumbled for a few seconds at the entrance door. In which case, it would Titi’s head the turkey would be making contact with, and maybe mine as well. Oh, what WW3 would have been acted out right in this ground save for the groceries.

“Wow, we are terribly happy today, are we not?” I teased her, prying myself out of her hold. There is only as much of cold turkey one can suffer.

“Yes, we are.” She kissed me full on the lips, not at all letting go of the bags. Somehow, I was beginning to suspect she may have seen Titi after all, and this turkey business was her corner-corner way of punishing me. So, I endured some more. When it was over, I grinned like it was the best kiss I’ve ever had.

“Looks like you may be waking up the mighty man,” I quipped, knowing she was on her period and no way would she be making love with me.

She threw her head back and laughed. “You know what, I just might be doing something about that, the mood I’m in,” she returned with a wink, but we both knew she wouldn’t. Seven months, and all her teasing couldn’t be faulted.

“Right,” quickly dismissing the subject, Folake moved away from me. “Let me put these away, then I’d let you in on a secret.”

Walking to the kitchen, her waist moving in a gentle sway, I was surprised to be reminded of kissing Titi and that the man was indeed up. I couldn’t quite tell if I was being aroused by Folake or by Titi – the crisis of having two women in one’s life! Or was it of not having sex even though in the past five days you have had a sexy naked body walking by you; available, yet not. I followed that sexy fully clothed body to the kitchen, met her leaning on the counter to put some cans in an upper cabinet. I couldn’t help it; I had to rub myself against her smooth backside. She didn’t protest; hallelujah. In fact, she pushed her butt deeper into me and swayed, grinding me a little. My hands flew to her hips, to guide her.

“I’ve been a bad wife, haven’t I?” she asked, utterly out of nowhere, killing my erection.

For one wild moment, I wondered if she had installed a CCTV camera in the house, and seen me necking Titi. Was that why she was being so smug? Or maybe I was just being paranoid. Christ, why again was I in this situation please?

“Of course not, baby! Why would you even say that?” My heart beating all the while.

“I don’t know.” She turned to face me. “I feel guilty when I deny you, you know that right?” she looked sincere all right.

“Sweetheart,” I stroked her face, very tender for her all of a sudden. “We are married. What’s a few days to the life-time we have to tear each other up?”

Her eyes said she didn’t believe me, so I tried again, “I’m happy with you. That is what’s important above all. Okay?”

I was happy with her, I told myself. I really was. Why wouldn’t I be? Folake was fun company. Our intimacy was good, actually beyond good. It was a given that I’d miss her till it hurt when she leaves. On a scale of one to ten, I’d rate us seven on the overall. Ok, maybe eight on Folake’s good days. That was better than a pass-mark, wasn’t it?

“You sure? You’re sure you’re happy with me?”

Jesu Christi! What was this woman driving at?

 “Totally.”
But when I kissed her for assurance, it was more for my benefit than hers. I was telling myself that Titi was the lust that was running free because it was still unfulfilled. Maybe if I hit it, and hopefully find reality falling awfully beneath all my un-inhabited fantasies, Titi would be out of my system so I could focus on my wedded wife. Lord please, let that be so. Though I couldn’t quite swear by it. The truth was, the thing with Titi needed to remain merely the thing with Titi, no more no less. I didn’t owe her like I owed Folake. But then, I suppose one could say if I cared about duties and responsibilities so effing much, what the bloody hell was I doing feeling up Titi? I guess that makes me either human or a scumbag, take your pick.

Folake obviously had picked my proclamation of devotion, the way her smile was gaily back on her face and she was bouncing off to put away more cans. “Say, I met your landlady as I was getting in. Peculiar woman, she is too.”

“My landlady?” I hadn’t introduced them. “How did you know she was the one?”

“Oh, there was no doubt about that at all. She could have easily had it engraved on her forehead. Or maybe not. It was all in her eyes. She was looking me all curious like I’d got no business being on her property. I tried to do the polite thing by greeting her. She asked, ‘Apartment C?’ I nodded, and she raised an eyebrow. I mean, she wasn’t even being discreet about that! I almost asked her in all my ghetto glory, ‘lady, what is your problem?’ But not today. Tomorrow, if she gets me waking up on the wrong side of bed, sure thing.”

“I see.” I said, not quite knowing what to say.

“Hmmm, I see now why you wanted us to move out of here so fast. That woman is nasty. Speaking of which,” she paused, came to me (I was forlornly following her, filled with dread of what confrontation between her and Mrs. Oulu-loose-cannon-waiting-to-explode would drag to the open) and wrapped herself around me, “I found us a house.”

That snapped me into alertness. “A house? I thought we stopped looking.”

“I never said that! I said I didn’t like the one you found. This one is perfect, simply awesome. You’d climax just at the sight of it. We can go look tomorrow. And if you are not impressed, we don’t have to pay for it. But I know you’re going to fall heads over heels in love with it. Trust me. Everything about the house felt right, like it was screaming ‘come take me!’” she giggled, radiant with pleasure.

Why did I ever think she didn’t have a pretty face?

“So, that’s the secret to your expansive disposition?” and it could very well be the secret to my avoiding giving in to temptation. Because, by Jove, if Titi showed up again after Folake was gone back to the States, I might just go ahead and be a naughty boy.

“Actually, the secret is in two parts. For the second part, I need you completely at ease. It’s a huge news. Life-changing.”

Great try at putting me at ease, sweetheart. It’s not working.

I peered at her. “Are you pregnant?”

She was on her period, wasn’t she? My elementary biology taught me that menstruation signified failure to fertilize. But, I don’t trust elementary biology anymore. After all, I’d been deceived into believing at every sexual encounter resulted in babies. Now I know better. God may have slabbed Adam together in five minutes and declared him ‘done’. But, a woman’s body system was so complicated. Many things you thought you knew in school turned out to be mirages. I’d say so again, going by the way Folake was grinning with mischief, like it’d been a long time she has been working on conceiving and now she wanted me over the moon to learn that her hard work has finally paid off.

“Would you want me to be?” she baited. The message translated as: you’d better.

“It’d be nice. It’s just that I’d this notion that you wanted us to wait a bit. You know, not preferring to have us raise kids long-distance. Did I presume wrong? Funny, we haven’t actually talked about it?”

Then I watched her face fell a notch, and my heart skipped a beat. Dear God, she really was pregnant!

“Wwwweeeelllll,” she started saying, and shrugged, “I’m not. Not yet anyways. And you are right. I’d so not like us to raise our children with you and I living on separate continents. Yeah, I know I’m putting up this front of this modern woman, but it just doesn’t seem fair, you know what I mean? I had a mom and a dad who lived in the same house, in the same city, same country, same everything and all. Our babies should have that. Wouldn’t you agree?”

Definitely a bait! There she goes again, selling her I-should-move-to-London line. Her coming into my arms again confirmed that I was dead right.

“D, I know this may sound like an emotional blackmail. Which it maybe is, but don’t be too upset with me. You said you were happy with me, didn’t you? Wouldn’t you be happier with me in the same house, in the same city, same country? For us to have a normal marriage? To wake up on the same bed mornings, go back to the same bed nights? Fight, reconcile, and get to know each other without the long distance to blur things. That’s what I want so much. And that’s why I’d been looking for a job behind your back. Today, I got an offer. A terrific one. I want to accept it. Please, don’t ask me to turn it down. I beg of you....”

(c) Flourishing Florida