TEMMY: The Two Sides of a Sword

“What are you on about?” I said in exasperation to my boyfriend on the other end of the phone. “We did the exact same thing last week! Why can’t we do something different this week and every other week?”

“Temmy, c’mon baby, why are you acting like this. What’s wrong with sitting at home and chilling?”

“I didn’t specifically say there is something wrong with it, did I?”

“But you are very cranky today. What’s wrong?”

“I didn’t mention that there is something wrong either.”

I got up from the couch and moved towards the window.

“Look babe, if there is anything bothering you just tell me. You know you can tell me anything.”

“What is it, Emeka? What is your problem?”

Silence met my ears.

“What is your problem? Cat got your tongue, ehn? Answer me now! Did I tell you there is something bothering me?”

He sighed, “No, you didn’t”

“Then why are you asking me twenty-one questions?”

“I’m sorry. I’m just trying to console you.”

“Well, I’m not crying. I don’t need anyone to console me. So free me, biko. Kilode?”

I stared at the skyline outside my window, wishing the conversation would just come to an end. I was just about sick and tired of all this nonsense. I just want something different, is that too much to ask?

I sighed, “Look Emeka, I’m tired. I don’t know where this relationship is going.”

“Temmy, what’s wrong with you? I just don’t get this…you returned from your trip to France and started acting odd. You have been rejecting my calls. You finally picked up today and you have nothing nice to say to me!” he exclaimed.

“Okay, this whole conversation is getting boring, dear. I’ve to go now.” I snapped as I left the window and paced around the living room.

“Listen to yourself, you have to go now! You are behaving like a child.” he rebuked.

“No, you listen. And listen carefully. I’m sick and tired of your crap. You are complaining about me not picking your calls and being aloof or whatever you want to call it. Why are you calling me now?”

He sighed.

“Answer me oh!!”

“I repeat why are you calling me now? I left for Paris without you. You totally refused to go away with me. I wanted to go to Zurich. We could have gone skiing or snowboarding but no, you are not into such things. So I met you half way; I compromised.”

“You compromised?”

“Yes, I did. Again! I’m always the one who bends. Why is that always the case?”

“Temmy, you are being ridiculous.” he injected.

“Oh! I see. So, I’m now ridiculous abi?”

“All those activities are for oyinbo people you know,” he continued.

“Says who? That’s rubbish talk. You didn’t try something to know if you might like it because you have already boxed it as something meant only for a specific race. Can you hear yourself? That’s doesn’t sound very intelligent to me!” I raised my arm in despair. “When I suggested a romantic get-away to Paris, why didn’t you just say no?”

“Because you were adamant, of course!” he shouted.

“Then why didn’t you suggest any other place? I suggested Paris when you refused to make suggestions.”

“It is because I don’t want to go on a trip.”

“So it’s too much to ask my own boyfriend to go on a trip with me?”

He sighed again and I could hear his irritation from that sigh.

“Okay, I’m a troublesome girlfriend who wants her boyfriend to go on holidays with her. I ask for too much. I’m just a basket of trouble…”

“Temmy, Temmy…”

“…I’m just a nag. I won’t stop asking for…”

“TEMMY!”
“WHAT?”
I took a deep breath.

“Look, I’m frustrated. I’m so sick and tired of this relationship. I feel like it’s going round in circles. It’s just not as fun as it used to be. It wasn’t fun for long anyway. I’m bored. I’m trying to adapt but you are not making it easy.”

“So going on trips will solve the issue of boredom?” he sneered.

“It would have been a step forward. But you weren’t willing to be part of it.”

“You went to Paris in defiance,” he grumbled.

“Defiance of whom?”

“To spite me!”

“Look, I don’t need your permission to go anywhere I want. And that is just silly. I’m neither a kid nor that petty. I went because I can choose to go anywhere I want. I went there for relaxation and fun. I don’t need you to go with me in order for me to have fun. I’m a woman not a child. But it would have been nice if you had gone with me. Although, it’s not a necessity…”

“Right!” he inserted.

“So, where does this leave us?” I asked.

“That’s a question you have to ask yourself.”

“We need to talk. Face to face. We need to really talk.”

He sighed.

“Okay, if you say so. I will come over to your place in the evening. I will let you simmer and cool down.” he laughed.

“What! You think this is funny. You are not even taking me seriously.” I said vehemently.

“Okay, okay. I will see at the end of the week then.”

“Whatever.” I replied nonchalantly and hung up.

Ten minutes later, with the phone still held tightly in my hands, my mind kept going round in circles. What was really eating me up is the fact that Emeka didn’t care. I have been giving him several hints that our relationship was getting stale and boring, but he still wouldn’t budge. Is it too much to want thrills and excitement in a relationship? Gosh! This is now my eighth relationship and I have tried to make this one work. So far it’s been my longest – almost a year. But as usual, the excitement has fizzled out and I am getting bored again. Is this boredom a curse? Should I stay put or continue to wait for someone to sweep me off my feet and excite me to no end? Do exciting “bad boys” have to be the heartbreaker types? Is it not okay for me to want a nice man but also want a man who keeps me on my toes, challenges me and keeps the relationship exciting? Why was I doomed to keep meeting the same kind of guys who think excitement is going to the same club once a month? What happened to all the other activities the world has to offer?

I rest my head on the couch. Slowly, the tears started to flow from my eyes. I shed tears for many reasons: too much confusion, too many struggles. I shed tears for the seven past relationships and the ongoing turmoil in my current one. I shed tears for the search for the elusive perfect man. I sobbed for my many mistakes. I cried because I knew this relationship with Emeka is not going anywhere. I had been fighting for this relationship for more than five months, but I have to face it: I cannot change Emeka and make him more exciting. I have tried sef, the old Temmy would have given the guy his quit notice after two weeks but no, I held on, and now I’m just tired of fighting. My mind went back to our first meeting. Who would have thought?

Who would have thought that guy I met at the salsa club will turn out to be such a bore? I remembered the night as if it was yesterday.  My pal, Maureen and I had walked into this new salsa joint in Central London on a night out, to have a good time. We were both decked in sexy little dresses and high heels. I was wearing a flirty red number; Maureen’s was electric blue. We had both been to a spa earlier that day and we pulled off our hot looks with beautiful skin and smoky make-up. We stepped into the club and we were swayed by the sexy rumba music. In no time at all, we ordered our drinks and started dancing. Across the room, I noticed the guys sitting across the room staring at my girl and I. They seemed surprised to see us Nigerian girls in such an exotic bar. He later told me that they had been looking to meet some Puerto Rican ladies, but they approached us instead. They were actually amazing dancers too and they joined us on the dance floor and the four of us moved to the music.

I was in a cheeky mood, so I did a slow number on the fella till he completely lost his mind. Whoever invented that dance knew what he or she was doing. It was a pure act of lovemaking in a public place. I had control and I knew it, the moves were just too alluring for him. He was blown away as my curvaceous body twisted and turned to the rhythm of the music. He held me close and whispered sweet nothings into my ears. The chemistry between us was red hot. So I wasn’t surprised when we soon left the dance floor and found a quiet table to sit. He introduced himself as Emeka and asked for my number. I stared into his dark eyes and smiled. Sure, my friends might say it is not wise to meet guys in the club but one cannot really limit the places you can meet your other half. And I love taking risks, so I thought “why not?” and gave Emeka my digits. The first date turned into a second date, then third date and before we knew it, our little romance blossomed and turned into a committed relationship.  Although it took me a lot of effort to consider being in a serious relationship with Emeka, I felt I needed to make something work this time around. At first it was going great and I loved what I was learning about him. He was funny, intelligent and interesting, and of course quite handsome. But how unfair life can be! Now I’m reminded again that all that glitters are not gold.

My phone started buzzing and I became conscious of my surroundings again.  I grabbed the phone and was about to silence it, when I saw the caller ID.

“Hello, Temmy.”

“Funmi, can you please call me later.” I sniffed.

“Temmy darling, what’s wrong? Are you alright? Your voice sounds hoarse!”

I raked my hands through my hair and cleared my throat.

“I’m okay.” And then I burst into tears again.

“Eh Temmy!” Funmi’s concerned voice came over the phone. “Are you okay?”

“No, no, no. I’m not okay. I don’t know what to do!” I broke down and lamented.

“Okay, calm down honey. Tell me, what’s the matter?”

I sniffed.

“What is it?”

“Funmi, what’s wrong with me?” I sobbed. “What is my problem exactly?”

“Sweetie, nothing is wrong with you. Tell me, what’s the matter?” Funmi asked in alarm.

“I just had an argument with Emeka. I can’t stay with him anymore. I’ve really tried to change, Funmi. I’ve really tried.”

“Yes I know, sweetie. Yes, I know. So did you break up with him? What happened?”

“I told him what I think is wrong in our relationship and he didn’t have anything inspiring to say,” I mumbled.

“You know some men are like that. You just have to take it easy. Some men will apologise even though they don’t know what they did or they just want the woman to shut up. You have to take it easy, please.”

“I cannot take it anymore, Funmi. I can’t! I’m not happy.”

“Aww, sweetie! Okay, if you feel that way, then I support whatever decision you take. Please stop crying.”

“I can just hear my mum’s voice screaming at me…telling me I’ve lost another one…”

“Please Temmy, stop crying. Crying won’t sort out this issue. You need to clear your head… think about what you really want. Please stop crying okay…”

I sniffed. “I don’t know Funmi…”

“Okay Tee. If you are not happy and you don’t want to be with him anymore that’s fine.”

I nodded to myself.

“When are you going to tell him?”

“At the end of the week…”

“Okay, then you’ll be free…”

“There is something else” I began. “My conscience is killing me…”

“Why now? Why should it? Please don’t stress yourself…” Funmi said.

“Another reason why I have to break up with Emeka is because I met someone else and we were intimate…”

(c) Lati